1) If there is something you do not like about yourself, looks wise or otherwise, either be willing to change it or accept it. Life is too short to obsess about the bump on the bridge of your nose or the exact circumference around your thighs. If you hate your stomach and you simply cannot learn to love it, live with it or ignore it, then do something about it. Work out. Eat healthy. Figure out what you need to do to get to the place where you are happy, or at least happy enough, with what you have. Complaining about your muffin top will never make it go away. If you know yourself well enough to know that you are never going to start exercising or eating better, then realize that a tight tummy must not be as important to you as you thought and get over it. You are probably the only one who notices it any way. You are most definitely the only one who obsesses about it.
2) Realize that focusing on your looks makes you less interesting to others. If all you think about or talk about is your weight, your hair, or your lumpy fill in the blank, then all you think about is YOU. Even if you are putting yourself down, if the only thing on your mind is your flaws, then you spend way too much time concentrating on yourself, and that doesn’t leave a lot of time for anyone or anything else. Being self centered is not attractive to men or to other women. Which leads me to number 3…
3) Do not complain about yourself to others, and do not buy into others complaints about themselves. Stop playing the, “no I have a worse body then you because…” game. When a friend constantly talks about her double chin she is looking for reinforcement. She is expecting you to say “no you are lovely. At least you don’t have these stumpy legs and fat thighs!” This is a dangerous game. Do not play along. It may feel like bonding, but it is actually a way for us to continue to perpetuate self doubt in ourselves and others. Eventually your friend will stop coming to you for reinforcement if you refuse to give it to them, and you will have more time to talk with them about your respective life goals, and all of the other things that really matter. Which leads me to…
4) Recognize that if you constantly point out your so called flaws to others, they will reinforce negative thoughts in you while also making the things that you do not like about yourself more and more obvious to others. Worse, it may even convince people that the flaws that you see really are as disgusting as you make them out to be. When you say, “my eyes are too close together,” you make it your friends job to say “oh no they aren’t,” but what they are really thinking is, “wow, how did I not ever notice how fish eyed Janis was before?” If you constantly tell people how terrible looking you are, they just might start to believe you.
5) Putting someone else down will not make you any more attractive.
6) For some reason, no matter what you do or who you are, some people are just going to not like you. Sometimes people really do hate you because you are beautiful. Sometimes people really are just jealous. Sometimes people just don’t like you for no reason. Then again sometimes people don’t like you because you are a mean crazy bitch. Learn to tell the difference.
7) Recognize that men are not all the same any more than women are all the same. Just like not all women are looking for a tan, muscle bound meat head, not all men are looking for a tall, thin, blond with huge jugs. Of course, some men are looking for a tall, thin, blond with huge jugs, so you girls are covered too! There is someone for everyone. Possibly a lot of someone’s. I know I sound like your mother talking, but honey, there is someone out there who is looking for someone just like you.
8) Any woman anywhere no matter what can find someone to have sex with at any time. It’s just the truth. You might have to have really, really low standards, but it can be done. This is not true for men. That is the reason that men who sleep around are called studs while woman who do the same are called sluts. Men are just jealous because we don’t have to work as hard for it. Also, before you call someone else a slut, you might want to make sure that your house isn’t made of glass first.
9) There is no one way to be beautiful, and there is no beauty without so called flaws.
10) Don’t forget that your daughters can see and hear you. They are learning to be women by watching you. And don’t forget that your sons can see and hear you too. They are learning how to treat women by watching how you allow yourself to be treated (by yourself, and by others).
11) Don’t forget that chances are, your daughters are going to look something like you when they grow up, and so when you put yourself down, you are putting them down too.
12) Lastly, have fun with fashion, your hair and your looks, but realize that in the end the way you look is not the most important or the most interesting (hopefully) thing about you.
