Dear women, I think you should know…

1) If there is something you do not like about yourself, looks wise or otherwise, either be willing to change it or accept it.  Life is too short to obsess about the bump on the bridge of your nose or the exact circumference around your thighs.  If you hate your stomach and you simply cannot learn to love it, live with it or ignore it, then do something about it.  Work out.  Eat healthy.  Figure out what you need to do to get to the place where you are happy, or at least happy enough, with what you have.  Complaining about your muffin top will never make it go away.  If you know yourself well enough to know that you are never going to start exercising or eating better, then realize that a tight tummy must not be as important to you as you thought and get over it.  You are probably the only one who notices it any way.  You are most definitely the only one who obsesses about it. 

2) Realize that focusing on your looks makes you less interesting to others.  If all you think about or talk about is your weight, your hair, or your lumpy fill in the blank, then all you think about is YOU.  Even if you are putting yourself down, if the only thing on your mind is your flaws, then you spend way too much time concentrating on yourself, and that doesn’t leave a lot of time for anyone or anything else.  Being self centered is not attractive to men or to other women.  Which leads me to number 3…

3) Do not complain about yourself to others, and do not buy into others complaints about themselves.  Stop playing the, “no I have a worse body then you because…” game.  When a friend constantly talks about her double chin she is looking for reinforcement.  She is expecting you to say “no you are lovely.  At least you don’t have these stumpy legs and fat thighs!”  This is a dangerous game.  Do not play along.  It may feel like bonding, but it is actually a way for us to continue to perpetuate self doubt in ourselves and others.   Eventually your friend will stop coming to you for reinforcement if you refuse to give it to them, and you will have more time to talk with them about your respective life goals, and all of the other things that really matter.  Which leads me to…

4) Recognize that if you constantly point out your so called flaws to others, they will reinforce negative thoughts in you while also making the things that you do not like about yourself more and more obvious to others.  Worse, it may even convince people that the flaws that you see really are as disgusting as you make them out to be.  When you say, “my eyes are too close together,” you make it your friends job to say “oh no they aren’t,” but what they are really thinking is, “wow, how did I not ever notice how fish eyed Janis was before?”  If you constantly tell people how terrible looking you are, they just might start to believe you.   

5) Putting someone else down will not make you any more attractive.

6) For some reason, no matter what you do or who you are, some people are just going to not like you.  Sometimes people really do hate you because you are beautiful.  Sometimes people really are just jealous.  Sometimes people just don’t like you for no reason.  Then again sometimes people don’t like you because you are a mean crazy bitch.  Learn to tell the difference. 

7) Recognize that men are not all the same any more than women are all the same.  Just like not all women are looking for a tan, muscle bound meat head, not all men are looking for a tall, thin, blond with huge jugs.  Of course, some men are looking for a tall, thin, blond with huge jugs, so you girls are covered too!  There is someone for everyone.  Possibly a lot of someone’s.  I know I sound like your mother talking, but honey, there is someone out there who is looking for someone just like you.

8) Any woman anywhere no matter what can find someone to have sex with at any time.  It’s just the truth.  You might have to have really, really low standards, but it can be done.  This is not true for men.  That is the reason that men who sleep around are called studs while woman who do the same are called sluts.  Men are just jealous because we don’t have to work as hard for it.  Also, before you call someone else a slut, you might want to make sure that your house isn’t made of glass first. 

9) There is no one way to be beautiful, and there is no beauty without so called flaws.

10) Don’t forget that your daughters can see and hear you.  They are learning to be women by watching you. And don’t forget that your sons can see and hear you too.  They are learning how to treat women by watching how you allow yourself to be treated (by yourself, and by others).

11)  Don’t forget that chances are, your daughters are going to look something like you when they grow up, and so when you put yourself down, you are putting them down too.

12) Lastly, have fun with fashion, your hair and your looks, but realize that in the end the way you look is not the most important or the most interesting (hopefully) thing about you. 

fathers

Sometimes I meet fathers and they worry me. I meet these men, often acting snotty or selfish, and then I find out that they are fathers, they have little kids. Why did they not change? Why did making a child not help them overcome their all absorbing self interest? I have always assumed that after making a new person, ones values change, they reach a higher level; the more superficial things matter less and the truly gratifying things rise to the top of the consciousness.

In my imagination, someone makes a baby and then relates everyone they meet to that baby and how they feel about that baby. They see the tired person on the train and see the once beloved baby that that tired person once was. They see their boss yelling at them and see the little kid running around with a wooden sword and muddy knees. They see these people and empathize with them, forgive them, and love them for the little kids they once were and for the sake of the love their parents had for them.

This is what happens in my imagination. I think my imagination is naive.

Updated Goals List (big and small):

-Get my house in order-clean and company ready including guest rooms

-Put up artwork, and make my space more my own

-Donate clothes and things that have been boxed up to donate for months (to a year)

-Keep growing out my hair and bangs

-Give my dog a bath

-Sigh up to take a French class (finally!)

-Use the yoga classes that I already paid for! 

-Try a new recipe

-Find the time to finish all of the books I started last year

-Map out some space in my life to work on my novel

-Start saving more money (a plan is now in the works)

Shopping List

I thought it would be fun to make a sort of a list of all of my favorite places to shop for clothes and what I like to buy at each place.  My budget is not huge, and I do not like to pay a lot for clothes, but I find that if you are willing to shop the sales, you can go to nicer places and find beautiful things in (almost) any budget.  Here we go!

For classic pieces that have that little something special, I trust The Limited and The Loft.  They have beautiful fabrics and textures that make you happy to get dressed in the morning (although they do call for a little extra care if you want to keep them looking new).  Some examples of some great pieces I have picked up from The Loft include a beautiful black pencil skirt (a Christmas present form my folks), as well as a pretty great “old man sweater” that is grey on one side and fawn on the other (I’m a cardigan girl). From the limited I have a deep blue T-shirt with a pretty droopy bow on the front that I got for only 10 dollars!  It is so flattering that I went back and got it in the green too. 

For fun, special pieces, my go-to store is Urban Outfitters.  You can get so many statement pieces there that will make you feel beautiful and like you are the most well dressed, original looking girl in the room.    My one problem with them is that they do tend to like extra baggy and sometimes too short styles (which I am not a fan of), so try everything on to make sure it is long enough, and flattering.  My favorite Urban Outfitters buy is my purple dress (you can see a photo of it in this blog if you look below).   They are also a great place to find beautiful leather flats, but be prepared to pay full price (usually about 30 to 40 dollars a pair).

I also like Dillard’s for their great shoe sales.  I have gotten so many great leather shoes over the years in the 20 dollar price range that have lasted better than any other shoes I have.   I have had a great pair of black leather pumps that work with everything and are super comfortable. 

Steve Madden is wonderful for its boot sales, although I am not going to pretend that they are exactly cheep.  They are something that I need to save up for, but certainly worth it to have good quality boots that you can live in all winter.  I am on the lookout now for a good tall black pair.

Forever 21 is great when I need to find something in my price range and can’t wait for a sale.  Say you need something for tonight; you have a pretty good chance of finding something you will like without having to shop around.  Just watch out because they have a pretty big mix of both good-enough fabrics and pretty shabby ones.  They are also a pretty trendy store, which is okay; just don’t ever spend too much money on anything you may not like next year!  Still, you can get lucky.  One of my favorite tops is a burnt orange well fitted T-shirt with a little bit of crocheted lace on the top that I have had for years.  I take extra good care of it (it has never seen the inside of the dryer) to keep it from falling apart of getting covered in pills. 

Gap and Target are my go-to places for basics.  For example, Target is the best place in the world to get simple, long soft tank tops, and Gap is the king of the basic T.  Both stores provide good quality pieces that are so affordable, if you find something you like you can get one in any color (assuming Gap is having a sale of course).  I just bought some basic T’s from gap that I adore.  They are simple, but often have a little something extra to keep it from being boring.  I am wearing a soft pink gap T right now that has a touch of mesh on the shoulders and around to the top of the back.  So flattering. 

I am a Gap girl all the way for jeans, but you have to try them on.  Gap sizing is all over the map.  I have jeans in size 4, 6 and 8 from Gap and they all fit perfectly (if not a tiny bit big by the end of the day, including the 4’s).  I like them because they are durable, soft, and there are lots of styles to choose from.  I like their “long and lean” (runs large in my experience), and their “sexy boot cut” (true to its name), but I absolutely love their “skinny” jeans.  The dark ones are extra flattering for curves, but I like their lighter wash as well.  I just keep buying the dark wash again and again, just so that I can wear them as often as possible! 

In my opinion (which of course is what I am writing about), there is absolutely no reason to get Gap jeans at full price, as they have on-line and in-store sales almost every other week.    For that matter, there is pretty much no reason to get anything at any of these stores for full price.  I never even look at the full priced items, but always make a B-line for the sale rack.  The Limited for example has some truly surprisingly low sale prices from time to time (like my new jewel toned tops).

No matter where I go, I stick to these simple budget rules: spend no more than 10 to 15 dollars on any top, no more than 15 to 20 dollars on a cardigan (unless it is really special and will last forever), 30 to 50 dollars on jeans (and if they are 50, they better be the best jeans in the world), and spend whatever it takes on good bras and underwear!  It is worth it for something you are going to wear every day that is going to completely define how the rest of your outfit will look. 

So there you have it!  Of course rules are made to be broken, and everyone’s budget and style is different, but that is what I like.  I’d love to see Rachie’s list next as I know she has her own go-to places, and spends a bit more on each piece than I do (I’m guessing) but always looks so amazing it is worth it! 

Happy shopping!       

I love Flapjack

World’s Most Beautiful Dress

I bought this dress for $30 at Urban Outfitters on Sunday and I am totally in love!  I wish I could wear it every day.  I can’t get a great shot of it with my camera phone, but you can kind of tell how special it is.  Along with my strap up cognac Steve Madden boots, my bright green trench that Rachie gave me several years ago, and my burnt orange P-Coat from J Crew, it is now one of the pieces I cannot live without!  I am so scared of spilling coffee on it today; I can barely take a sip without fear!    

The dress (With a Target cardigan).

I'm wearing these wonderful T-Strap heals that I got at The Rack in AZ years ago with it today. 

Beautiful Girls

Just for fun, I made a list of women on the big and small screen that I find very attractive.  Here goes (in no particular order):

1) Christina Hendricks – My favorite!!!  I love red heads, real or fake.  Plus, she just exudes confidence.  Not to mention that body!  I want to be her.  I will be her-or at least her Mad Men Character Joan- for Halloween next year. 

2) Lily Cole- Another redhead (what a shock!).  She looks like an angel, even when she is posing for Play Boy.  She doesn’t look like anyone else in the world. 

3) Marion Cotillard- Always elegant, and just so dang French.  I want to be her too.  Or at least have her hair. 

4) Audrey Hepburn- Love love love her style.  Nothing can compare. 

5) Audrey Tautou- Another elegant French girl.  I will see anything she ever does. 

6) Scarlett Johansson- I liked her more when she was a little more curvy, but still, what a beauty.  I love how she is always changing her hair.  She has an interesting and brave sense of style for Hollywood.

7) Mila Kunis- What a face!  So cute. 

8) Alexis Bledel- Also very cute.  Terrible actress, but I can’t help but love her.

9) Kirsten Dunst- (see synopsis above). 

10) Eliza Dushku- More sexy than beautiful, but you can’t help but love a bad-ass girl who actually looks like she could kick butt with the boys.

11) Emma Stone- Wonderful.  Not so great with the blond hair (who would have guessed I would like her better as a redhead?), but still quite beautiful and unique.

12) Kat Dennings- Curvy and cute.  I hope to see her in more films, just as she is.  I hope that Hollywood doesn’t shame her into losing her body and becoming another bobble head. 

13) Natalie Portman – can’t deny, the girl has a perfect face. 

14) Ginnifer Goodwin- more cute than beautiful in my opinion, but I feel like I can relate to her, so she is always easy to rout for in any role.

15)  Forgot Zooey Deschanel!  Such cute style.  

I’ll add more as I think of them, but these are my favorites!